Confused

I thought I have learnt

I want to move on with my life

But can I ?

I still cannot come in terms with this

Need to toughen up

Letting go

It is crazy that I only understand you only after I lose you.

It is crazy that I only understand your love after I lose you.

It is crazy that I am only willing to try after I lose you.

It is crazy that I thought I know what you want, while in fact I did not

It is even crazier that only now I realised what you want

It is crazy that I lied to myself and pretending everything is going to be all right.

It is crazy that I allowed you to become a person who you did not want to be.

It is crazy that I grew loving you only after I lose you.

It is crazy that I took you for granted, again and again.

It is crazy that I thought I was right all along.

It is crazy that I did not realise how immature I am to the relationship

It is crazy that I thought I am good at loving people when I never even love anyone before you

It is crazy that I thought you were the one that did not want to learn, while in fact it was me who did not want to teach.

It is crazy that I still called you and blamed you for everything, after what you have been through.

It is crazy that I changed so much, to become a person who both you and me hate when I was in a relationship with you.

It is even crazier that I expected you to understand me when I was not willing to let you know who I am.

It is crazy that I only understood your love when I lose you.

It is crazy that I let fear dictated me.

You gave me the chance to understand you, but I did not appreciate it.

It is crazy that I thought you ran out of patience after only one week, while you have been so sad for the past few months.

It is crazy that I thought I was the one having patience, while in fact I was just giving up without saying so.

It is crazy that I thought I was strong, while in the end I was weak

I was weak.

It is stupid that I called you again and again after we broke up.

I thought I was giving my best, while in fact I did not.

I did not love you right

But sometimes, we only understand how it goes the hard way. When you fall the hardest, the best thing to do is to stand up.

Life goes on.

Learn from past mistakes

Grow from them

Remember how painful it was when you fell. Learn

I will not let the fear of falling dictate me. But I will teach myself to walk better

To jump higher

To run faster

To toughen up

It is crazy that I only realise these now, there are regrets. But there are even more positive things to cherish about.

I learn how to love myself

I learn how to embrace the moments

I learn from my past mistakes

I learn that I am not perfect

I am not what I thought I am

I talk more than I do

I need to be more credible

I realised that I did not love myself as much as I thought I do

Not any more.

I realised I am not perfect

I realised I was indeed immature

In denial

I did not appreciate what I got.

Most importantly, I reflected and learn a lot of myself from this experience.

I know myself much better now.

I know what I want

I know who I am

I know my limits

I know what I like

I know what I don't like

And I learnt how to let go

If this relationship did not happen, I would not known, would not have realised.

2012 has been a very wonderful year with you.

One of the most eye-opening experience in my life.

Not only materially, but spiritually and emotionally as well.

I jumped the highest, and fell down the deepest in the same time.

But I might jump higher next time

with that, fall down even deeper as well.

But then, I will be prepared then.

What does not kill me, makes me stronger

As for us, love is not a video game.

There is no save and load function

No trial and error basis

And the chances you gave me, I wasted them.

I am not hoping for any more chances,

And not expecting any.

Just maybe one day,

very very random day,

we can talk like how we used to

We can laugh like how we were

And be open minded and let go of the hate and bitter feelings

And laugh all day long about all the crazy things I did.

And learn from it

And be friends again

For now,

I am just happy that I have learnt

No more hate

No more bitterness

No more dissatisfaction

Just happiness

Happiness for the lesson taught

Priceless lessons & experience

Thank you so much for the wonderful experience